current state of mind: distracted
So come and turn me on, baby, be my Marlon
Brando
Take a good snapshot, get me from my better
angle
‘Cause I like it hot; and you know I love a
scandal
Tell me what you’re, what you’re waiting for
~ ‘Touch Me’ by Katharine McPhee and One
Republic
I wear
contacts. Lots of people tell me I need
to get LASIK. I am not a viable LASIK
candidate. Thanks to some little
Tortfeaser Toddler (TT), my eye sustained serious trauma when I was 4. I am pretty sure the Statute of Limitations
has long passed – so no matter. “Hey,
Jilly . . .” then a spork in the eye.
Yes, I did say “spork”. TT could
have worn the moniker “Robin of the Hood” with pride because he hit a fricking bull’s-eye
with that spork. Running across my left
cornea is a perfect scar line. It is
that scar which scares the begeezus out of ophthalmologists who have to weigh
the money they could earn against the medical malpractice and negligence lawsuit
I could file when the LASIK causes additional damage to my cornea because the
scar tissue is “uncooperative”. In fact,
I even had one ophthalmologist say that any surgeon who would be willing to try
LASIK on that eye is irresponsible and should not be trusted; duly noted.
As I said
earlier, I wear contacts. People who
wear contacts often have the same series of complaints:
1.
They are expensive.
2.
They are a pain to put in and take out.
3.
They have to constantly be cleaned and disinfected.
4.
They cannot be worn overnight.
I don’t have
those complaints. My health insurance
covers most of the costs associated with my contacts. Also, I rarely take mine out – so I seldom
experience any of the inconveniences associated with complaints 2, 3, and
4. When an eye starts to bother me,
every couple of weeks, I disinfect the contacts overnight and put them back
in. Sure, once in a while, the contacts
tear; but they are disposables and are only supposed to last two weeks. Mine last far longer because I am not “messing
with them” every day. Unless I lose one
or swim in a lake, each set lasts approximately 5 weeks. That
means I use fewer than half of what they “recommend” and I use far, far less
solution, etc. Winning!
Now that I
have shared my little secret on how to avoid LASIK – perhaps everyone should
give it a try. Just be very non-hygienic
with your contact lenses. Sure, you are
risking gross oozing infections and permanent blindness – but you know what
they say, bigger the risk, the bigger the reward!
PERSONAL NOTE: Have fun on your trip to Cali!
CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: You should have married me when you had the
chance. Our divorce would have been a
lot less stressful and expensive. Here’s
to a friendship that has endured through three and a half decades of your
shenanigans!
