Insecurities and Drunken Texts NOT Sent By Me

Current mood: adventurous

"And we were never holding back or worried that
Time would come to an end
We were always hoping that, looking back
You could always rely on a friend"
~ "Being Boring" by Pet Shop Boys

To start off – I want to share 2 very interesting text messages I received this weekend from my friend, "Liquid Courage". It was confusing from the get-go – BUT – I believe in giving the texter the benefit of the doubt. His logic may have been a little shaky due to the ingestion of large amounts of alcoholic refreshment.

". . . if you were with me we would be having phone sex right now . . ."

followed immediately by

". . .if you were as drunk as me right now we would be having phone sex. . ."

Hmmmmm? He is confident enough to believe I would engage in "naughty talk" over the phone – but only if I were there and if I were drunk! So, since I was here and sober, he knew better than to suggest that I would engage in such shenanigans. Good call! Though, I must say that I would have NEVER in a million years thought up the concept of being in the same room as someone, but talking on the phone. Talk about Safety! The CDC should look into that marketing campaign!

Needless to say, I did not take him up on his offer – since I was neither drunk nor there with him – but I assume he was able to seduce some other female with his text messaging and words of adoration. Thumbs up to "Liquid Courage" for putting himself out there!

Now, onto insecurity. I try to come across as confident – even when people like "Crush Boy" stomp all over my emotional fragility! The issue is that I feign self-confidence. I am extremely insecure when it comes to my social skills. Granted, over the past 12 months, I have improved vastly – still, people misinterpret my insecurity as being standoffish or arrogant. It isn't until I am very comfortable with someone that I actually relax and show my true emotions. In fact, the other day, D/BFF was saying that I barely show my true feelings to her and we are as close as sisters.

Therefore, when I receive PG-13 text messages or flirtatious comments, I assume they are either said in jest or with no intent. It takes a lot to convince me otherwise and even then, I am cautious, waiting for the other boot to drop, so to speak. And, when someone mocks me – unless I know for a fact that they are 100% teasing – I will withdraw completely from that person, leaving them confused as to why. I promise that it has nothing to do with my anger – as I cannot hold a grudge. I withdraw because I truly believe they no longer want to engage in discourse.

Luckily for me – most of my close friends know these little quirks about me and they do their best to keep me from hiding away. And they do things like ask me on dinner dates; to go on road trips; and to marry them. I have learned from experience that while I may indeed be the marrying type – I need to work on the staying married part. Therefore, I tend to turn down proposals – unless they include Las Vegas (where I have never been), Elvis impersonators, or monkeys in short pants. Yes, I know that my fascination with monkeys in short pants may not make the ASPCA happy – but I believe that monkeys enjoy wearing shiny short pants. If I could, I would sew every monkey his/her own short pants wardrobe.

What a great way to segue to my next topic – getting this 31 and 11/12s year old body ready for the San Diego beach. Here are my concerns – I am white (ivory, really) – one giant sunburn waiting to happen. On top of that, my stomach is softer than I would like. Hell, it's desperately in need of a personal trainer and some self-discipline – neither of which can I afford at the moment. I may try to start doing crunches tonight, in hopes that by the time my San Diego trip rolls around – I will look like I have a 30 year old stomach. Wouldn't that just be grand????


PERSONAL NOTE: I love you, unconditionally.